1. |
I've Got a Pen
01:20
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the pen is mightier than the sword and all that. i think i wanted to include a Don Quixote reference but never got around to it
---
This notebook of mine is getting filled to the brim
Where the hell am I supposed to write when I reach the end
I wanna be the lever by which my whole world moves
But I’ve been holding myself back like I’ve got something left to lose
I wanted to stand out but I quit while I was ahead
And now I’ve permanently cut my edges to fit in this round peg
Sure, there’s no point left in crying when I’ve spilt all my milk
But I can’t help feeling guilty over what that cow would think
I’m so bored
There’s nothing left to do or new places I could feasibly explore
I’m stuck here
Not for lack of trying, I promise you I’m gonna be sincere
I’m scared to open that door
These walls are my shield for I have no sword
And why would I want one when I know
I’ve got a pen
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2. |
Juniper's Hourglass
01:35
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i started writing this one about a year ago when i was sixteen and was experimenting w/ third person songwriting. i always liked the name juniper and felt that this was a path i was heading down. i also liked the metaphor of being caught in an hourglass like it was a cage
---
Juniper has wasted all of his potential
Not even the devil thinks his soul’s a worthy trade
Trust me, he’s tried
He didn’t choose a path let alone the ‘road less travelled by’
He’s wallowed in his crocodile tears for 16 years of life
Letting time pass by
He’s already 17, with a midlife crisis nigh
He has an aura of despair, his head covered in unkempt hair
Refusing to take blame, always raining on the parade
A self-fulfilling prophecy, he’ll always be
Locked away in fantasy, thinking he can do no wrong
When he’s been the problem all along
Due to complications from chronic boredom
He’s blind to the path that was once before him
Gone off his mental grid, he’s starting to feel unhinged
He’s terrified
But aware enough to see his upside-down state of mind
No more opportunities, they’ve all been left behind
Can’t stop the passage of time
It’s all out of his hands, slipping through the cracks and stealing sand
Burning alive
Inside the hourglass,
The sand has been replaced with ash
Inside the hourglass,
Among the cinders, he’s detached
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3. |
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i got the idea for this song sophomore year, wrote the chorus, then forgot all about it for a while. it only started working out after i got meta about it and made lyrics saying i forgot
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I feel like things have changed
That today is something new
A chance for me to latch on and finally get through
Everything that’s held me back,
I’ll leave it far away
So I’ll say,
My life starts today
Ok, I lied
No big surprise
It’s been a couple months, sorry I didn’t write
But hey,
How have you been?
I fell into a rhythm and life caught up again
But i swear this time I’ll make sure it’s different
So my hobbies won’t run away from me
I’ll scour the ends of the earth if I have to
So I can finally be free
I feel like things have changed
That today is something new
A chance for me to latch on and finally get through
Everything that’s held me back,
I’ll leave it far away
So I’ll say,
My life starts today
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4. |
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song about my dog and childhood dreams and space and dogs in space and-
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Space isn’t safe for people let alone dogs
And there’s nothing I can buy to fix that in this catalogue
I’ve wanted to explore the stars since I was a little kid
But what’s the fucking point if I can’t bring man’s best friend
The only thing I can be is down to earth
I gotta say, it’s been easy cause life these days is a blur
It’s crushed my dreams to realize that this is where I belong
But I guess that’s alright, cause at least I’ve got my dog
To Laika and every dog thereafter that we sent to space
I’ll pray to Saint Bernard that you all have a place
Where you can run free and finally explore to your heart’s content
What you must have seen up there, I will never comprehend
The only time I feel fine is when I’m with my canine friend
He probably doesn’t think of space but I can pretend
We’re nowhere near advanced enough to rush into the stars
And while that sucks, I know I’ll deal, cause at least I’ve got my dog
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5. |
Frame of Mine
02:32
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the title is a play on frame of mind but also the idea of framing and looking at thoughts from a different perspective
---
I’ve always been told to treat others how I want to be treated myself
But how can I tell exactly what kind of ‘other’ needs my help?
Will karma attack if I walk by a luckless firefly blinking SOS trapped in a spider’s web?
Do I extend a helping hand or draw a line in the sand? How am I supposed to take this next step
I’m just not sure.
So I’ll befriend all the little bugs trapped in my house; set em’ free
Prop up their world in the hopes that atlas will do the same for me
It depends on how you frame it, so many other shoes
That I’ll have walked half the earth by the time that I get through
All the little questions that have plagued my attention span
I risk flying a bit too close to the sun just to meet demand
But I guess that’s just fine, what’s life without some danger here and there?
I’m not scared
As long as it doesn’t harm those bugs
It’s always been an issue for me to understand the sheer scale of things
I know I’ll die some day but you’re telling me that after the world will keep on spinning?
If people live their own lives from their own point of view,
I guess I should start thinking about mine
From the moment I was born to the day that I will die, I've got my very own timeline
Who cares about what lies beyond
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6. |
Cobweb Queen
01:38
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i started noticing this web outside my window get bigger over the course of a month and was hit with the thought of how nice it was of the spider to do that
---
For the past month or so, a web has slowly grown outside my window
And now I can open it without fearing that mosquitos’ll sneak in
It’s a welcome development
I feel a lot safer now that I know I have this threaded shield
But what if the spider goes away?
Oh, cobweb queen
Please stay with me
I need your expertise
Surround my heart with your web
Lock me in and weave the thread
Protect me from all of the creepy things that hide beneath my bed
I won’t let your words get to me
All the feelings I can’t afford right now are caught in this screen
I tend to fill my boring life with hyperbole
But through it all I've got my cobweb queen
Oh cobweb queen
Please stay with me
I need your expertise
Surround my heart with your web
Lock me in and weave the thread
Protect me from all the creepy things that hide beneath my bed
Oh, cobweb queen
This is unhealthy
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7. |
This Feels Abrupt
01:45
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this song's about a guy i didn't know i had feelings for until it was too late and yet still holding onto them Just In Case. i used the hourglass idea again here
---
I think that I, would like to try, something with you
Which is a little bit funny, considering who I'm writing to
Because we barely ever talk, I guess that I’m still caught up
On a crush that's lived in the back of my mind for 12 whole months
I’ve finally figured it out, too bad it took too long
I’ve been chasing rainbows
Letting time slip through my hands while counting every single little grain of sand
Can you blame me
For living in the past because I’m afraid of what the future will bring
I’ve ran in with Medusa and my path is set in stone, I’ll - never get the chance to make these stupid feelings known
If I hadn’t just spoken it into existence
I would let the feeling fade quietly and get some distance from it all
Do I still have time left to stall? The hourglass is filling up
It’s suffocating and this all just feels abrupt
I’ve gone through the possibilities and left it all behind
so why do I still shake in the knees and want to cry sometimes when I’m alone
I really gotta move on
This song was just a realization I had now that you’re gone
But if we ever met again, if I could just get through, I think that
I would like to try something with you
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8. |
Personal Fable
01:32
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around a year ago, i found the wikipedia article for imaginary audience and saw the words, "i am unique". i think i still have that screenshot hidden away somewhere
---
For every question answered, another dozen take its place
One step forward then twice back, I don’t know if I can keep this pace
Am I even real? I guess I am to me
But what about everything else I see, there’s no guarantee
If thinking means I am
And I can’t refute that
What’s stopping me from blanking out and letting life fall flat
I know that it’s unhealthy.
But it doesn’t stop me from thinking,
“I am unique,” the mantra I repeat.
A self delusion so I can forget everything bittersweet
“I am unique,” the mantra I repeat
Staying up to think, to avoid the fucking dreadful clutch of sleep.
Stuck on this path, my boat has set sail
I never knew that coming of age would entail
Always judging myself, even when I am alone
This imaginary audience has completely overthrown- who I used to be,
Habits ripped out and shoddily patched up
If this is my Personal Fable then it fucking sucks
I'm an amalgamation of everything I've ever loved
Stealing others’ traits, I've got a repertoire built up
To hide the fact that I am feeling blank today
And I don’t know if that sensation will ever go away
Forever dreaming on repeat
That I am unique
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9. |
Picture Perfect Puppet
01:22
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a song about going into autopilot to handle day-to-day life, only for that to take over completely
---
Planning a quiet life, something I am able
Just for the possibility of food on that future table
A life where I can feel hollow success
A permanent marionette
My mind has met its match and I am left detached
I made a deal to handle the anxiety
I let the author’s strings wrap around and manipulate me
Lock me in a role, the best fit for what’s going on
Until it has consumed me whole and my true self is gone
The strings let go when I’m alone but by that point there’s way too much distance
Built up between me and my soul, not like it matters when the
Goal was to be soulless, I sold it without any misgives
A picture-perfect puppet smiling for the narrative
I made a deal to handle the anxiety
I let the author’s strings wrap around and manipulate me
Lock me in a role, the best fit for what’s going on
Until it has consumed me whole and my true self is gone
The spark is out, my magic’s dead, a mind gathering rust
Tethered just enough to feel the things I love all turn to dust
Is it so wrong to let others tell you exactly how to feel
It takes so much to try and finally be real
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10. |
This Is a Mistake
01:18
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i was restless one night and losing sleep-time by the second, so i wrote this song. it's about needing a second to get reoriented, yet not having the time nor a clear enough mind to make good decisions
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I only get to think when my day’s over
Stealing time from the night
My sleep schedule’s just getting shorter
It’s not that great a sight
I don’t know why I have to prove to myself
That I'm alive
It’s like I doubt I'll have an impact
And I'm afraid to take that dive
If I have no trust in myself how am I
Supposed to trust the fall
How do I tell who’s gonna catch me before
Time is up and I'm forced to make that call
Can I forego responsibility?
I am not qualified
This is the worst mistake I'll ever make
But my hands are tied
I guess the only thing I'll ever be
Is unprepared, not up to speed
Making bad decisions left and right
I said I am not qualified
I should probably end this song
With some stupid moral lesson
But that’s not how life works
And I know it seems unpleasant
But the words want out sometimes
And with time flying by, they build up
I just gotta let it run its course
And take life as it comes
I only get to think when my day’s over
Stealing time from the night
My sleep schedule’s always getting shorter
But I guess I'll survive
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11. |
Friend of the Imaginary
01:36
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a song about my thoughts being my friend
---
I don’t know if being honest is something that I can afford
I’m deathly scared that others can hear the beat beneath these floorboards
There’s a piece of me inside every single little song I write
But is it worth it when it’s eroding my soul out of sight
I don’t have too many friends left these days
So I write my own, and that’s okay
I tend to write but rarely give
As if to remind that I still live
I tend to sing so I can feel
As if to prove that i’m still real
Because my thoughts are alive
And they’re telling me I just might get through it this time
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12. |
Hot Palms
01:14
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a small two-chord song about being content with life, for now
---
I'm staying up late again
A night owl who likes to pretend
That everything will work out in the end
I'm falling asleep once more
Wedging my foot in the door
Between weightlessness and hitting the floor
I'm waking up one more time
Greeting the birds and the wind chimes
Facing the day with reason and my rhymes
I notice that I get calm
When the heat rushes through my palms
Thinking of you is a soothing balm
Trying to make new friends
Watching the old ones mend
To hide the fact
I'm staying up late again
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13. |
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this was originally just going to be called mary sue but at the time the other 'my life starts today' didn't feel that honest so i made it a continuation
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I'm getting bored with this world I've built up in my head
Despite all that I’ve tried, it still fills up with dread
I know myself and would rather live a lie than watch as
Everything I am fades away in my downtime
If everything was perfect, I wouldn’t have to choose
What flaw I need to hide today, but I'm no Mary Sue
It’s true, those nights spent reading for escape
So I could finally get away from always feeling fucking blue
Projecting onto the protagonist and walking in their shoes so that i might Forget reality exists, I’ll tell the truth
There is no author, only words I’ve hid behind
Rationalizing this labyrinth of my own design
The stories that I once looked upon for some help
Have only served to warp my sense of self
and so
I feel like life’s the same
That today isn't really new
It’s just the state of things and I now know that it’s true
But everything that holds me back
Is a part of who I am
This whole album was a sham
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